May 23

Okay, this is the beginning of a strand of posts I'm sure will continue long and tireless. *Sighz* I'm sick and tired of being up. I've been up since four o'clock this morning, after going to sleep at midnight. No, make that one this morning, because my roommate was on the tv until then, and for some reason I could not fall asleep because of that, and my excitement. Because this morning I got weighed in. I'm four pounds down from my max. And when I started working out for this weigh-in, I was 8 pounds over. Wow. But here it is, practically midnight again. I've been awake too long, and I'm started to get p***ed. *Growlz* I'm thinking about Brittney. I can't get her off my mind. Something about her just keeps me thinking about her. A very interesting person. Odd how you can meet someone like that online sometimes, but other timez all you get are porn bots and frikkin twelve year old guyz pretending to be "hot and horny lesbians". Anyway, Brittney. That's a calming thought. She's such a great person. I wish we lived in approximate areas of each other. That way I could actually SEE her. In person. That'd be nice. I think that'd make me unbelievably happy. *Sighz* Well, I don't know who's going to read this, but frankly, I don't really care. I'm so angry right now. At nothing either. I just wanna' beat someone or something up. I think I'll go to sleep as soon as I get home tonight. Hmmm. I usually like to stay up and play some xbox, or chat on the computer. Well, maybe if Brittney's on I'll chat with her. That'd make my night a million times better. You know what really irks me? Shallow people. In other words, most of america. We're such a shallow country. You can see it in any "personals" sight, and any chat room. What are we doing with ourselves? Brain-draining. That's what. We drain our minds on the TV, or on politics, or on education. We all drain our brains. I can't believe we actually have geniuses in this society. But it's not hard to be a genius when everyone around you is brainless. And I don't mean anyone in particular. I even include myself in this group of people. It just frustrates me that no one out there can grasp the more important things in life. What are we lacking. You tell me you don't feel it, and I won't believe you. I think we all feel the emptiness. And it's deep emptiness. You can fill it with religion, or education, or someone special, or music, or a hobby, or adventures. But nothing really actually fills it. I know, as a Christian I'm supposed to believe that that emtpiness is lack of God. But I'm not sure anymore. I'm so lost and confused in life right now. Perhaps the military is really changing me more than I thought. Maybe propoganda really works without us realizing it. And despite the fact that we know where and what the propaganda is, it still gets to us. I don't know how or why, but it does. You know, it's weird. I normally talk like this when I'm depressed, but I'm not depressed right now, I'm angry. At what? I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired. But I feel a huge anger welling up inside me. Odd. Maybe I'm just labelling the wrong emotion. But I feel like I wanna' wear myself out. Maybe I'll go for a midnight workout tonight. That'd be interesting. But first we must check to make sure Brittney isn't online. But perhaps she can't make me feel better either. Ah well, can't hurt to find out. I hope she's online. I hope reading this helps you understand another portion of my mind. Because I sure don't. Maybe life is pointless. But why do I love it so? I want a gatorade, unfortunately I'm out of dollar bills, and I have virtually no cash in my pocket. *Sighz* Wow, I feel miserable. I'm debating sleep or working out. Which one would take care of it. I think that if I work out, it'll wear me out till I'm dying to sleep. I think I'll just go back to my room and see what happens when I get there. We'll see. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Well, I'm out. Sal, stay cool. Stay cool. Brittney, I love you still. You're an amazing person. Werner, hoorah. Semper Fidelis, and all that other moto stuff we love as Marines. Ummm, who else would read this? Well, to the random reader, if you've gotten this far, email me. edhagn@yahoo.com. Or pm me on yahoo (my screename is edhagn). Well, hope you all feel better after reading about my nighttime misery. L8rz, all.