Numero dos?

Well, here's another trip from night crew. I know, it's been a while since the last one, but I've been on a deployment for six weeks, give me a break, geesh... I'm starting to think no one reads these random posts from strangers. Strange, that we should write here despite anyone reading. Well, I guess it is a pleasurable enough trip for those who do read 'em. Maybe... but then again, maybe not... Well, here's a funny enough thought that occured to me earlier. You know how people say "in the loosest sense of the word"?
Well, I was thinking of this conversation:
"I was surprised when I found out that you got off your butt for something other than food."
"What do you mean for something other than food!? I always get off my butt. Well, at least sometimes I do."
"Yeah, sometimes, in the loosest sense of the word."

It's not a real conversation I've ever had, just imagined it in my head. It's kinda' funny. Work it out in your mind. Kind of a trip on that last phrase. The loosest sense of the word sometimes. Hmmm... Crazy. Well, let's see, it's half dusk outside, sorta'. I'm thinking about working. Well, let's see what I can come up with now. You've chatted online before I assume, and if you haven't then you've at least heard of it. If not, let me break it down for you: everyone gathers together in a virtual room and they just sit around behind masks and talk. That's how it goes. You don't see anyone, you just see what they type. Well, I've found that you meet a lot of people like that. People of various opinions and mind-sets. And sometimes you meet psychos. I don't know where these psychos hide, and as far as I know, I've never met a psycho before. Weird, huh? You never really know who someone is. So my discussion for now is how does a psycho act? I mean, even I know that you can't be obviously sexy or handsome beyond belief. And you can't be too kind-mannered. You either have to be very much yourself, while hiding your psycho instincts, or you'd have to create a character. And it would have to be a very specific character, intended to capture a very specific person, or group of people. It just seems tough to me. Then what about photos? How many different places are there to find pictures of normal people? And how many different photos of a stranger could you send someone before they caught on that you don't fit your look. And is it possible to catch onto that. Then, with all this considered, how is it that so many people match up online? Now, I know it's not a staggeringly large number, but it is large enough for practically everyone to know at least someone who has hooked up online. As for myself I know a grand total of about 3 people that have met online. Not all have worked out, but they've met in person. So what about that other group of people that meet death when they meet someone from off the net? Can we safely assume that you've about an equal chance of running into a psycho there as you do in a club? Or in a grocery store? I mean, seriously, why, when we start to discuss the internet, does everyone immediately go to psychos? Why can't we assume that most other people there are just like me? Or whoever accesses the internet. Perhaps you've given up searching in real life for that special someone, and it's time to broaden your horizons. *Sighz* And that brings up a whole different side of the subject. Where do people meet other people at? Clubs? Stores? Libraries? School? Work? Church? So what happens if you're not inclined to go out clubbing, you're too shy to approach someone in a store, and the library you are nearest to is only used by others in your work, or people married to your co-workers? Then what do we do? Do we just decide we're gonna' wait until someone beautiful crashes into our car so we can at least get her number. Doesn't seem very effective to me. So, the internet. Perfect place. You talk to the person for who knows how long, and then, if you decide you don't like them, you never talk to them again. And yeah, sure, perhaps they're hurt, but at least it wasn't in person. A strange way of thinking about it, but I think it's kinda' true.

Okay, this session has sorta' drained me. My eyes are starting to irritate me. I'm gonna' take a break from writing for tonight. Maybe another poem will be forth-coming. But I doubt it. Ah well, l8rz all.

May 23

Okay, this is the beginning of a strand of posts I'm sure will continue long and tireless. *Sighz* I'm sick and tired of being up. I've been up since four o'clock this morning, after going to sleep at midnight. No, make that one this morning, because my roommate was on the tv until then, and for some reason I could not fall asleep because of that, and my excitement. Because this morning I got weighed in. I'm four pounds down from my max. And when I started working out for this weigh-in, I was 8 pounds over. Wow. But here it is, practically midnight again. I've been awake too long, and I'm started to get p***ed. *Growlz* I'm thinking about Brittney. I can't get her off my mind. Something about her just keeps me thinking about her. A very interesting person. Odd how you can meet someone like that online sometimes, but other timez all you get are porn bots and frikkin twelve year old guyz pretending to be "hot and horny lesbians". Anyway, Brittney. That's a calming thought. She's such a great person. I wish we lived in approximate areas of each other. That way I could actually SEE her. In person. That'd be nice. I think that'd make me unbelievably happy. *Sighz* Well, I don't know who's going to read this, but frankly, I don't really care. I'm so angry right now. At nothing either. I just wanna' beat someone or something up. I think I'll go to sleep as soon as I get home tonight. Hmmm. I usually like to stay up and play some xbox, or chat on the computer. Well, maybe if Brittney's on I'll chat with her. That'd make my night a million times better. You know what really irks me? Shallow people. In other words, most of america. We're such a shallow country. You can see it in any "personals" sight, and any chat room. What are we doing with ourselves? Brain-draining. That's what. We drain our minds on the TV, or on politics, or on education. We all drain our brains. I can't believe we actually have geniuses in this society. But it's not hard to be a genius when everyone around you is brainless. And I don't mean anyone in particular. I even include myself in this group of people. It just frustrates me that no one out there can grasp the more important things in life. What are we lacking. You tell me you don't feel it, and I won't believe you. I think we all feel the emptiness. And it's deep emptiness. You can fill it with religion, or education, or someone special, or music, or a hobby, or adventures. But nothing really actually fills it. I know, as a Christian I'm supposed to believe that that emtpiness is lack of God. But I'm not sure anymore. I'm so lost and confused in life right now. Perhaps the military is really changing me more than I thought. Maybe propoganda really works without us realizing it. And despite the fact that we know where and what the propaganda is, it still gets to us. I don't know how or why, but it does. You know, it's weird. I normally talk like this when I'm depressed, but I'm not depressed right now, I'm angry. At what? I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired. But I feel a huge anger welling up inside me. Odd. Maybe I'm just labelling the wrong emotion. But I feel like I wanna' wear myself out. Maybe I'll go for a midnight workout tonight. That'd be interesting. But first we must check to make sure Brittney isn't online. But perhaps she can't make me feel better either. Ah well, can't hurt to find out. I hope she's online. I hope reading this helps you understand another portion of my mind. Because I sure don't. Maybe life is pointless. But why do I love it so? I want a gatorade, unfortunately I'm out of dollar bills, and I have virtually no cash in my pocket. *Sighz* Wow, I feel miserable. I'm debating sleep or working out. Which one would take care of it. I think that if I work out, it'll wear me out till I'm dying to sleep. I think I'll just go back to my room and see what happens when I get there. We'll see. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Well, I'm out. Sal, stay cool. Stay cool. Brittney, I love you still. You're an amazing person. Werner, hoorah. Semper Fidelis, and all that other moto stuff we love as Marines. Ummm, who else would read this? Well, to the random reader, if you've gotten this far, email me. edhagn@yahoo.com. Or pm me on yahoo (my screename is edhagn). Well, hope you all feel better after reading about my nighttime misery. L8rz, all.